"'Guess who's back, back again' - Eminem" - Zoe Barrie

finally addressing the seasoning police (🥲), life updates, and what's to come...

Friends! Hi!

To all of you who are new here, I welcome you with a massive virtual hug. Those who were patient and continued to subscribe to my newsletter regardless of my 4(ish)-month-long hiatus, I MISSED YOUUUUUU!

Let’s just jump right into it, shall we?

Here’s everything that happened since I’ve been gone:

• I was canceled for using the term “seas*ning p*lice,” while defending the use of fresh aromatics. Here’s how I explain the situation to friends and family who are not online: I made a response video defending my cooking and use of fresh aromatics in lieu of granulated powders. I addressed the internet trolls (those who commented things like “salt and pepper is not seasoning”, “bland af”, and “where’s the seasoning” on my previous video) with the term “seasoning police” because it was food-related and adjacent to terms like “fashion police, grammar police”, etc.. at first people thought it was funny (as I intended), then things took a turn (a little too quick tbh), some people got overtly mad/offended, a certain group of people saw that another group of people were offended and started using the term seasoning police in an offensive way to start an online war, it arrived to Twitter, it immediately became 17102983x more offensive, and then I became a meme. For more, read this (the very-talented Ross Yoder of Buzzfeed summarized the whole ordeal and I have nothing more to add 🤧).

• I moved to Arizona for the summer (aka the least-desirable time to live in Arizona *cries in 115ºF dry, stale heat*). I was supposed to move to Omaha, Nebraska, but a last-minute job opportunity came up in Arizona so plans switched literally within 3.5 weeks of moving 🥲 We almost had to pay for a month’s rent in our Omaha apartment, despite not living there, but I cried to the property manager on the phone (ew I know it’s embarrassing, I’m not proud of it, please don’t judge me), she was understanding, and let us off the hook. She was my hero of the month and a reminder that humans are inherently good (or so I’d like to believe).

• After a 6-month break from running, I got back into it. Honestly, after jumping right into marathon training after my collegiate soccer career ended, I was BURNT. OUT. I got into lifting (so much so, that I started taking creatine hahahaha), I then noticed my heart health/VO2 max decline because I wasn’t doing enough cardio, so I freaked out, put on my running shoes, and never looked back. I said this once and I’ll say it again - running (or walking) 2-4 miles a day keeps the doctor away (do not quote me on this though, I am not a scientist or doctor)!

• I hired a website developer because making a website is literally a full-time job. I get asked on a daily where my recipes can be found - the answer would be my website if it was up and running. To be honest, I tried to make it on my own, because I am always trying to save money where I can. However, WordPress is one big pain in my arse, and in addition to not being a scientist or doctor, I am also not a website developer. All that said, my website should be done and ready NEXT WEEK!!! AHHHHHH! *cue the fireworks and champagne popping*

  

• Finally, I’m moving. Again. Back to California! No matter how hard I’ve tried to leave and explore new states, I somehow always make it back to California. This time, however, we’re movin’ to ✨Sacramento✨. I’ll let you know next time why Sacramento, but for now, all I have to say is I’m PUMPED. I’m so excited that I’ve been designing our apartment on Canva. This is my first time living in a place semi-permanently since college (we’ll be in Sac for 3 years), so as someone who has absolutely zero attachment to places or things, I’m ready to become ATTACHED to this place. This is also my first time purchasing furniture since college, so it’s time to make this place MINE (really, “OURS” because I will be living with my BF of 5 years, but he’s giving me full design reign). Here are my ideas:

Now for our Happy Hour rebranding…

Each week, I’m going to overshare with ✨structure✨. Before, I was jumping into these newsletters and sort of…for lack of a better word…barfing (?) up thoughts. Funny enough, this is why I don’t journal, because I have tried and learned that without structure, I start to write random thoughts for hours because there really is no limit to my thoughts, and because it goes nowhere, it becomes slightly unproductive.

Thankfully, I conveniently just finished watching Parks and Rec for the second time and was reminded of the phenomenon of Johnny Karate.

If you haven’t watched P&R- on Johnny Karate’s show each week, he does the following:

• Make something

• Learn something

• Karate chop something

• Try something new

• Is nice to someone

I unironically found these pillars to be somewhat helpful in designing a way of catching up (writing this newsletter), so I have adapted it and made it my own. Here’s what to expect each week:

• Something I made (with a recipe)

• Something I learned

• Something I ate at a restaurant (and recommend)

• Something I tried (with a rating, of course)

• Something that made my week (a generous comment, an act of kindness, etc..you get the point)

And because I don’t want to keep you reading any longer, we’ll start with our Johnny Karate-inspired newsletter next week…

However, I will share something I made (with a recipe) because, after all, you’re probably here for that.

All that said…

Here’s the recipe for the Slutty Brownies (I made on TikTok this week):

BOTTOM: Chocolate Chip Cookie Layer

• 1 cup unsalted butter, browned

• 1 cup brown sugar

• 1/4 cup white cane sugar

• 2 eggs

• 2 tsp vanilla paste (extract works fine)

• 2 cups all-purpose flour

• 1 tbsp cornstarch *optional*

• 3/4 tsp baking powder

• 1 tsp kosher salt

MIDDLE: 16 double-stuffed Oreos (4 rows of 4)

TOP: Brownie Layer

Note: I’m dividing what I made by 2 because I made wayyyy too much brownie batter in my video - this isn’t to say what I made didn’t turn out great (I mean, you can’t go wrong with too much brownie), but it took way too long to bake and I think it could have been made with less brownie (I may be biased, though, because I am a cookies-over-brownies girl through and through).

• 1/2 cup unsalted butter, browned

• 2/3 cup white cane sugar

• 1 large egg (or 2 small) + 1 yolk

• 1 tsp vanilla paste (extract works fine)

• 1/2 cup melted semi-sweet or dark chocolate

• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour

• 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder (black cocoa powder recommended - it has a very Oreo-forward flavor)

• 1/2 tsp kosher salt

• 1/4 tsp baking powder

• 1/4 cup dark chocolate chunks

PREPARATION:

To make the Cookie Layer-

Cream together brown butter and sugars. Whisk in both eggs until the mixture is fully combined. Whisk in vanilla paste. Add in all dry ingredients and stir until a batter forms. Mix in chocolate chunks. Place in the refrigerator while you prepare the brownie layer.

To make the Brownie Layer (the process is very similar to the Cookie Layer)-

Cream together brown butter and sugar. Whisk in eggs. Whisk in vanilla paste. Stir in melted chocolate. Sift in flour and cocoa powder. Add in the rest of the dry ingredients and stir until a batter forms. Mix in chocolate chunks and begin assembling Slutty Brownies.

To Assemble the Slutty Brownies-

1. Line a 9x9 cake pan with parchment paper and preheat the oven to 350ºF.

2. Press the cookie dough firmly on the bottom of the parchment-lined pan. Add Oreos 4x4 (rows & columns). Once Oreos are neatly laid onto the cookie dough, press them down firmly. Finally, spoon the brownie batter on top and spread evenly (with a knife or offset spatula), covering the Oreo layer.

3. Bake for 45-48 minutes, or until a toothpick/knife can be stuck in the center and comes out clean. This might take a bit shorter/longer, depending on your oven - just make sure to set a timer for 40ish minutes and continue checking on them until they’re done. The slutty brownies are your child and you are a helicopter parent, capeesh?

4. Allow brownies to cool for 3-4 hours before cutting in and serving. If you don’t care about how they look, you can skip this step and only let them cool for 15-20 minutes - you’re the chef, it’s your call! :)

If you’re a visual learner, watch this.

Anyway, HAPPY FRIDAY, HAPPY HOUR!

Ily all and can’t wait to catch up next week. As always, if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or just want to say hi, please shoot me an email or leave a comment.

CHEERS!

Zoe